Panic to Presence
Installment One
The Day I Went From Panic to Presence
This morning, I was in a panic. And it came over me so suddenly. Something important to me moved from the realm of "caring" into "terror". I was afraid of the loss of something dear to me. And suddenly, the line between my own knowingness, or intuition, and paranoia had gone from blurred--to nonexistent.
The day before, inspired by an acquaintance's tale of·dramatic spiritual awakening, I had barely dared to unfurl a gentle, but not completely assured hope, that I, too, might be blessed by a such an experience: Could I be cleansed of all my "sins", baptised by the light, washed clean and fresh? As innocent, guileless and renewed as a baby?
Though I'm sure I have plenty of past life experience with religion, martyrdom and various sects, I'm not a practicing Christian in this life. And so for now I'll explain that feeling of "sinning" that overcomes me at various times (and this time, more powerfully) as a pernicious, ragged, nagging sense that I've done something wrong and will be punished for it--like sack-cloth on my back. And surrounding me, terror. It's a sense of danger. Of threat. Of fear.
Soon, outwardly, my most immediate fears were assuaged. The ostensible object of my tension had arrived safe and sound. But it was the ensuing step which transformed them in a different way, and effected a more wholistic and apparently definitive transformation that echoed throughout the rest of the day. TRUST made its way in, protecting me, correcting me when I wavered and began doubting again, and holding me tenderly in its delicate embrace.
(Note: My morning's intention had been to "live in the present".)
Uninterrupted by the baneful "drauma" that preceeded it, I launched into the radio show I'd already scheduled. The topic I had·fairly spontaneously chosen was "The Present". I dove into the show wholeheartedly--and even more significantly, with my whole body! Without the momentary paralysis that sometimes visits me when I worry about my client's status, nor the fear of making a "mistake" that had gripped me in my early days of clairvoyance training, I dove into what has turned out to be a ritual for me as natural as daylight--even on days when my callers feel more dazed, resistant and ragged, their psychic pictures coming into greater and greater focus only with the blandishments of the persistent psychic gaze.
In an hour, I had offered psychic support and counsel to several callers-in who had come to me with some not insignificant issues to resolve. It had all been so natural! If I had tried to control the situation with my mind (divorced from my body's information), and if I had considered the grave repercussions of taking on this "task"--of its relative meaning or importance--then not only would I never have undertaken it, but I doubt I would comfortably undertake it again!
Instead, I was able to sink into the "Present": deeply in my body (in this case, my third eye, behind my forehead), with trust in the Earth by which my breathing and body were manifestly connected. Acting out of total trust in the process.
What would it would be like if everything I initiated was this flowing, natural, and easy? It's a process about which I will keep you updated as with further inquiry, practice and prayer I will go.
And I wish you this: to feel the power of your body to help you make decisions, to proceed as the earth proceeds in her cycles, and to trust that the next moment will lovingly hold you and carry you into the next great thing in your day--and all the days to come.
The Day I Went From Panic to Presence
This morning, I was in a panic. And it came over me so suddenly. Something important to me moved from the realm of "caring" into "terror". I was afraid of the loss of something dear to me. And suddenly, the line between my own knowingness, or intuition, and paranoia had gone from blurred--to nonexistent.
The day before, inspired by an acquaintance's tale of·dramatic spiritual awakening, I had barely dared to unfurl a gentle, but not completely assured hope, that I, too, might be blessed by a such an experience: Could I be cleansed of all my "sins", baptised by the light, washed clean and fresh? As innocent, guileless and renewed as a baby?
Though I'm sure I have plenty of past life experience with religion, martyrdom and various sects, I'm not a practicing Christian in this life. And so for now I'll explain that feeling of "sinning" that overcomes me at various times (and this time, more powerfully) as a pernicious, ragged, nagging sense that I've done something wrong and will be punished for it--like sack-cloth on my back. And surrounding me, terror. It's a sense of danger. Of threat. Of fear.
Soon, outwardly, my most immediate fears were assuaged. The ostensible object of my tension had arrived safe and sound. But it was the ensuing step which transformed them in a different way, and effected a more wholistic and apparently definitive transformation that echoed throughout the rest of the day. TRUST made its way in, protecting me, correcting me when I wavered and began doubting again, and holding me tenderly in its delicate embrace.
(Note: My morning's intention had been to "live in the present".)
Uninterrupted by the baneful "drauma" that preceeded it, I launched into the radio show I'd already scheduled. The topic I had·fairly spontaneously chosen was "The Present". I dove into the show wholeheartedly--and even more significantly, with my whole body! Without the momentary paralysis that sometimes visits me when I worry about my client's status, nor the fear of making a "mistake" that had gripped me in my early days of clairvoyance training, I dove into what has turned out to be a ritual for me as natural as daylight--even on days when my callers feel more dazed, resistant and ragged, their psychic pictures coming into greater and greater focus only with the blandishments of the persistent psychic gaze.
In an hour, I had offered psychic support and counsel to several callers-in who had come to me with some not insignificant issues to resolve. It had all been so natural! If I had tried to control the situation with my mind (divorced from my body's information), and if I had considered the grave repercussions of taking on this "task"--of its relative meaning or importance--then not only would I never have undertaken it, but I doubt I would comfortably undertake it again!
Instead, I was able to sink into the "Present": deeply in my body (in this case, my third eye, behind my forehead), with trust in the Earth by which my breathing and body were manifestly connected. Acting out of total trust in the process.
What would it would be like if everything I initiated was this flowing, natural, and easy? It's a process about which I will keep you updated as with further inquiry, practice and prayer I will go.
And I wish you this: to feel the power of your body to help you make decisions, to proceed as the earth proceeds in her cycles, and to trust that the next moment will lovingly hold you and carry you into the next great thing in your day--and all the days to come.